Grease trap

ONLY hearing THE VERY FIRST Part of this story and as I do know at least a little about these things, I could do nothing but laugh. I knew it had to be written. As it turned out, much later, they had watched the whole incident on their in-house camera. By this time, they had been told that the entire kitchen would be re done and covered by the pumping company. I was told that my embellished story was dead on.

When the merde, hits the ventilator

A friend of mine told me a story that I felt I could not go another day without passing along.

It seems as though, that on one bright sunny day, this person, entered a building they felt responsible for and making various checks found the water to be draining, rather slow in the kitchen. This person, being very well-qualified in the “I can fix it myself area”, dug right in. Turning both faucets on, she was not only to discover that, yes, the water did run slow but now had a sink full of water. Staring at it for some time she was able to determine that it was going down but at the rate it was going, several holidays could have passed before it was empty. Always the thinker, she looked for and found any number of drain cleaner liquids. Curiously enough by adding them, most all of them, to the sink full of water only made it deeper and a little more dangerous to deal with. The stainless-steel sink was taking on a much darker shade of gray.

Okay, now she was ready to call in the big guns. Taking advantage of her cell phone and, in a loud voice, called for anybody willing to assist. Assistance came with plungers and snakes, gadgets and gizmos, and no shortage of suggestions. Other than some of the young children in the area learning some colorful new words one person going off to the hospital, suffering from the inhalation, not a lot more was accomplished.

Next came the professionals. All would be better again. Life would be made new, bright and shiny. A plumber or I should say as he is usually referred to, “the plumber” was called.

“Have you tried to repair the problem yourself? Have you used drain- cleaner? You know, there is an extra $75 charge if I have to work in water that is full of dangerous drain cleaner.”

“Yes, we understand this is not your regular hours of work, and that you have many other customers waiting, but we need this pretty bad and soon.”

“All right” the plumber said, “you holler and it’s your dollar, ha ha,,ha.”

showing up, and wearing his pants, just high enough to not be called indecent, strolled into the building eating a tuna fish sandwich. “My name is Dixon and I’m here to do the fixin”. “Well that really ain’t my name but I use it because it rhymes, ha ha Ha Hah.

Showing him what they had, he slowly wandered back up to the truck and bringing in much the same devices and gadgets that they had been using, only his looked a lot more expensive.

By now they were just glad to have the relief of knowing that soon this would be over and done. The plumber went to work, as if he was probing for treasure at the bottom of a murky bubbling sea, trading one device with another and each time pulling out whatever current device he was using somewhat warped and void of any of the shiny finish it had gone in with.  “Gonna have to replace that one too, ha ha Ha.”

After a while he stopped, “afraid you’re out of luck”

“What now, what do we do now, what do you mean we are out of luck?”

“Well, looks like you’re gonna have to call an excavator, er, well, got a basement?  er, ain’t  this place a co-mercial kind of a place? Have you got a grease trap?”

“What’s a grease trap?”

“Well it’s this year kind of thing that works kind of like your septic tank. When the greasy water goes down the drain, the grease sort of floats to the top an the water keeps a goin. Sometimes if you use a lot of grease it fills up, and you got ta have it emptied. Have you ever had it emptied?”

“Where’s the grease trap?”

Looking all around and then down at the floor right under the sink, “well, by Jiminy George, stright-here under this-er sink.”

Picking up his tools, by now a lot more than just tarnished, went out to his truck and returned with a doughnut and an invoice for them to sign. “Spose you got no place for me to wash up, ha,ha,he,ha. Here’s the number of the grease trap guy, good friend of mine, he’ll do you right, good luck. Ha,ha,hee.ha.

It didn’t take long and the grease trap man was there, removing the lid of this large square container under the sink right there in the kitchen. ”Guess this hasn’t been pumped for a couple of weeks” he said, as all of the ready to advise and help, onlookers decided it was time to assist somewhere away off, maybe, miles away. It was more likely, it had not been pumped in a couple of years.

The stench, rising from the container was like nothing they had ever experienced, at least anywhere near a kitchen or on earth, for that matter. Maybe a farm yard where they raised pigs.

The building was pretty much vacated by any and all, to their cars, and off they went, as if a bomb was about to go off inside. My friend on the other hand, felt she should stay, should someone be needed to advise them further on how to do their job.

Busying herself in a closet, in the most remote part of the building, with the door closed, and holding a quilt over her nose, felt relatively safe. After about a half-hour and the not so pleasant aroma, seeming to be getting worse instead of better, she decided to go and investigate.

Oh my,,,,,,,, oh my,,,,,,,,,, ooooooooooh !@#$%^.  $%^&.   @#$%^.  @#$%^!!!!

the kitchen looked very little, like a kitchen but a lot more like a mud wrestling arena and the odder was like that of a fully operational slaughterhouse in Death Valley, where the power had been turned off six weeks ago.

“We are out here” a muffled voice hollered.

In between fits of what the? And vomiting and gasping, my friend was to learn how a slight mistake had caused this minor calamity. Turns out, the owner of the grease trap cleaner truck, had an apprentice. Anxious for his apprentice to learn quick, pretty much put him in charge of the small job. The owner went on wandering through the building checking out its new paint and decorations while the apprentice went out and turned on the pumper truck and started it pumping. Notice I said, started it pumping. Either no one had told him or he had forgotten that on this pumper truck and among its many valves, were pumping out valves as well as pumping in valves.

Yes, my friends, he opened the pumping out valve and as these trucks are designed to empty their load rather quickly, had emptied a considerable amount by the time our young apprentice friend was able to get back inside. His boss was wandering back to the kitchen about the same time the apprentice, had followed the hose back into the kitchen and the two of them basically realizing what was going on and scrambling and falling and bumping together, made it to the truck about the same time, but it really didn’t matter much. From the looks of things, the truck was pretty well empty.

The young apprentice will not likely be fired as he should’ve been supervised a little better. The owner of the company will continue to have a business, God willing, and if the story does not make the newspaper.

My friend has been informed that all will be corrected quickly and of course so will global warming. For now, as appetites seem to be waning, all cooking and use of the kitchen area, has been put off until the year 2026 and the local hardware has sold out of earplugs which are being used for nose stoppers.

I felt it my duty to express my sympathy to my friend for her inconvenience and having to deal with this horrible tragedy. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to stop laughing, long enough to be very expressive at least positively.


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